Preventing Crisis Situations

Obviously there are emergency situations that come to us without any forewarning--auto accidents, fires, catastrophic illnesses, etc. These can be prepared for to some extent but can’t necessarily be prevented. They just happen. The kinds of situations I’m referring to in this message are those whose symptoms, such as those that result in fractured human relationships that have long been evident but have been unnoticed, rationalized away or ignored.

Most emergencies involving human relationships can be avoided. An astute person can see them developing by their evident stages:

• misunderstanding, • tension, • conflict, • crisis, • emergency, • disaster

Unfortunately, many of the people that I minister to, once their current problem is solved, will have new emergencies develop--going from emergency to emergency throughout life. This is because once the crisis has been solved they have little or no desire to address the root problems out of which their emergencies were created therefore refusing further counsel or ignoring that which they get.

The time to deal with emergencies is before they occur. People often ignore the warning signals--those listed previously, and others--which have the effect of empowering the emergency situation. The warning signs are always there. For example, a person might notice he had a low tire. He would address the problem be airing up the tire and then going on, thinking the problem was solved. A day or so later he notices the tire is low again. He goes through the same procedure again. This becomes a routine in life that he has accepted as normal. Unfortunately, one day the tire goes flat while he is on the freeway during rush hour. Now he has an emergency. A car pulls up behind him and a person hops out with a can of “fix a flat” and airs up the tire enough for him to get off the freeway and to the service station. His “rescuer” warns him to take the tire in and get it fixed. He ignores the “counsel given” and goes on, following his established routine. One day the tire blows out causing a disaster with him and his family being seriously injured in the accident. Crises come because of procrastination or failure to see the warning signs.

People are usually very comfortable in their “comfort zone,” not matter how bad it is, always feeling they should do something about their difficult circumstances, but are content to procrastinate. (Please be aware that “comfort zone” is an attitude more than a situation or place.) Their desire for the good they don’t know will be eclipsed by the bad they have grown accustomed to. Consequently, even though they take steps to improve their circumstances/relationships they will slide back into old and destructive patterns of life and relationships.

In every relationship there is an ultimate payday. That payday is the result of the accrued choices one makes resulting in the values, priorities, attitudes, actions and associations he has in that relationship. The payday can be blessed or it can be a disaster, dependent what a person has consistently invested toward it. If the person has not invested properly, his paycheck will be in the form of disaster.

Following is a list of six priorities that might be helpful in both solving current crises in human relationships and preventing new ones:

1. Determine the worth of the relationship to you and evaluate the residual and collateral damage to you, to the person with whom you are related, and others associated with the relationship, if the relationship should be destroyed. For example, in husband and wife relationship, what would the destruction of the marriage do to the child?

2. In appropriate situations (marriage, jobs, etc., make an unconditional commitment to bring resolution to the underlying problems and practices originating within yourself that are contributing to the friction and destructiveness. A usual human practice is to see what should be changed in the other person, feeling if that were accomplished everything would be different. This expectation would be met with disappointment because conflict is always two-sided.

3. Make a permanent commitment to yourself and to God that you will continuously and consistently treat the other person in the manner like which you would want to be treated.

4. Be instant in forgiveness not matter how badly your have been maligned or treated. Anger, resentment and hurt feelings make poor bedfellows and should be evicted immediately.

5. Plan your life in such a manner that you give quality time and attention to the other person to the extent that the relationship both requires and merits it, i. e. husband and wife, parent and child, etc. even to the extent of sacrificing personal plans and desires, always looking at the long term needs of the relationship. Never do what you do with a victim attitude, do it with grace and dignity expressed in love.

6. Place a proper and biblical value on the relationship and live appropriately by the grace of God and for His glory. His grace is adequate for every need.

Living in a state of perpetual crisis is never satisfying and should not be tolerated. Relief comes when our emergency has been successfully resolved but freedom comes when proper principles of life and relationships have been consistently and continuously observed and practiced.

Jeff

• Jefferson H. and Norma R. Floyd, CO-directors • Jubilee International • P. O. Box 572 • Noblesville, IN 46061